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8月10日 Town wants $384,000 for pee by the seaWed Aug 2, 2006 9:25am ET DUBLIN (Reuters) - A ramshackle public toilet could fetch 300,000 euros ($384,000) -- the price of a new house -- if politicians in western Ireland get their way. The town of Lahinch reckons property-hungry buyers will snap up the dilapidated, out-of-order toilet because of its great location -- a surfing beach on Ireland's rugged Atlantic coast. "You could leave the toilet block and be in the sea in less than 40 seconds," local politician Martin Conway told Reuters, but admitted: "It's quite remarkable that an old toilet block would fetch 300,000 euros." The average cost of a home in Ireland, where house prices have gone up 15 percent in the past year, is 299,929 euros.
Local property auctioneer Nicola Leyden said the site, overlooking Ireland's best known surfing spot, was breathtaking: "It's probably the most sought after pee you'll ever take on the west coast of Ireland." © Reuters 2006. All Rights Reserved.
Come on now, you have to admit that this is just funny..... 8月9日 How not to open a grenade...Wed Aug 9, 2006 7:36am ET
 RIO DE JANEIRO, Brazil (Reuters) - A Brazilian man died Tuesday when he tried to open what police believe was a rocket-propelled grenade with a sledgehammer in a mechanical workshop on the outskirts of Rio de Janeiro.
Another man who was in the workshop at the time of the explosion was rushed to a hospital with severe burns, a police officer told Reuters. The workshop was destroyed and several cars parked outside caught fire. Police found several unexploded army issue rocket-propelled grenades in the workshop. They believe the ammunition had been brought there by scavengers wanting to sell them as scrap metal, but they also are investigating a possible link to Rio's heavily armed drug gangs who often raid military bases. © Reuters 2006. All Rights Reserved.
Alrighty then...what can I really say about this little gem of a story??? It's honestly hard for me believe that there are people this clueless living among us in this world. When I really think about it, I have to admit it's a little scary. Imagine if that was your neighbor!!! I mean how much brain power does it really take to figure out that pounding on old grenades is NOT A GOOD IDEA!? I guess some people just didn't get that old common sense gene during the creation process eh?? 11月10日 Unusually Stupid Americans by: Kathryn Petras and Ross Petras   "It Wasn't My Fault"
Suggestions on what not
to say when caught in
a sticky situation
 Allegation: sexually abusing a 13-year old boy Lame excuse: "My hand slipped [onto a] private area."
--said by NY City choir official Frank Jones, who had been massaging the boy with cream when his hand....slipped.
 Allegation: intent to sexually abuse a minor, having been discovered in a motel room with 60 bondage and sex toys, Viagra, and a child-porno photographLame excuse: Regarding the Viagra and sex toys--they were just props. As for the child-porn shot-- "[It] helps motivate me" in working to hunt down and stop adults who sexually abuse children.
 --said by professed vigilante against child sexual abuse Gordon Neal Diem, who was convicted after he attempted to arrange a meeting in his motel room with two teenage girls he'd met online. One of the "girls" was a police officer who interestingly didn't believe Diem's story.
Allegation: lying about academic, military, and work records, claiming (falsely) that you have a master's degree in psychology, served in Vietnam, and worked for the CIALame excuse: (1) My wife typed the application forms.
(2)I didn't believe certain biographical and educational information was important. (3)I suffer from a little-known medical condition called Pseudologia fantastica and can't help telling lies and mixing fantasy and fact.
--claims made by Los Angeles judge Patrick Couwenberg after it was found that he had falsified his background and lied to the governor in a (failed) effort to get a juicy judicial appointment.
Allegation: intent to rob (but got caught in the chimney)Lame excuse: I was stargazing and slipped into the chimney.
--exuse made by 19-year-old Josh Perez of San Diego, who was stuck in a chimney for five hours before rescuers could free him. He wound up being arrested on a burglary charge.
Great Moments in
Political Correctness,
American Style
P.C. Bombs: During the Afghan and Iraqi wars in 2001-2003, soldiers were told to watch out when writing the traditional messages on bombs before they were launched. Once, during the Iraqi war, someone wrote an anti-French message on a bomb; concerned senior officers said that it definitely "crossed the line." They went on the lookout for any other negative messages about the French. Sailors on the USS Enterprise were admonished by Rear Admiral Stephen Pietropaoli after one of them wrote a homophobic message on a bomb destined for the Taliban. His exhortation: "Keep the messages [on bombs] positive."
"Rogue States" sounds too judgmental:In the late 1990's, Secretary of State Madeleine Albright ordered the State Department to soften the term "rogue state," as applied to nations such as North Korea. The new official term for rogue states: "states of concern."
Group calls for an end to animal "pornography":Feminists for Animal Rights (FAR), which attempts "to expose the connections between sexism and speciesism," called for a more sensitive media portrayal of animals in, among other things, cartoons. "The distorted images of animals displayed in the media, language, advertising, and cartoons distorts and degrades animals. Is this not another form of pornography?"
"Hate groups" sounds to unfriendly:In the antibigotry resolution of Walworth County, Wisconsin, in 1995, a reference calling "white supremacists" members of "hate groups" was changed, since using the word "hate" was too judgmental. "Hate group" was changed to "unhappy group."
Children's books denigrated for sexism:According to an antibias-curriculum handbook, there are many dangerous kids' books out there. Babar the elephant extols "the virtues of a European middle class life-style and disparages the animals and people who have remained in the jungle," according to Patricia Ramsay of the Gorse Child Studies Center. Cinderella is particularly dangerous. According to Debra Goldsbury, "This story is not fun for me. Cinderella isn't making decisions for herself or taking charge of her own life."
In the 1990's, Oklahoma state representative Cleta Deatherage introduced a bill that would have required men to get a written permission from any female with whom they intended to have sex; in addition, men would be required to warn females that sex could be hazardous and might result in pregnancy.
"The kind of humor I like is the thing that makes me laugh for 5 seconds and think for 10 minutes."
"It is easy to forget that the most important aspect of comedy, after all, its great saving grace, is its ambiguity. You can simultaneously laugh at a situation, and take it seriously."
"We must laugh at man, to avoid crying for him." 11月5日 Actual statements made by various United States presidents Presidential Bloopers
"Things are more like they are now than they ever were before." --President Dwight D. Eisenhower
"When the president does it that means it is not illegal." --President Richard Nixon
"I have orders to be awakened at time in the case of an emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting." --President Ronald Reagan
"Now, like, I'm presidedent. It would be pretty hard for some drug guy to come into the White House and start offering it up, you know?....I bet if they did, I hope I would say, 'Hey get lost. We don't want any of that.' " --President George Bush, Sr., speaking to a group of students about drug abuse.
"It depends on what the meaning of the word is is." --President Bill Clinton
"Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?"
"It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it." --President George W. Bush
"The best way to relieve families from time to time is to let them keep some of their own money." --President George W. Bush
"One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures." --President George W. Bush
"Nobody needs to tell me what I believe. But I do need somebody to tell me where Kosovo is." --President George W. Bush
"I'm the master of low expectations." --President George W. Bush
Taken from The Little Big Book of Laughter
Oh My God! Garth Brooks Is Melting!
To The Famous Taken from They Did What!? By Bob Fenster
11月2日 And no hang-gliding in tornadoes, either!Quote And no hang-gliding in tornadoes, either! - Peculiar Postings - MSNBC.com Just in case, Malibu passes out warnings against surfing tsunamis
LOS ANGELES - An exclusive California beach enclave has raised eyebrows by passing out tsunami safety brochures that warn residents, in capital letters, that they should never try to surf one. The pamphlets, part of an emergency preparedness campaign, inform residents of Malibu that tsunamis often follow large earthquakes and advise: “NEVER GO TO THE BEACH TO WATCH FOR, OR SURF, A TSUNAMI WAVE!” “I’m speechless,” Malibu surfer Candace Brown told the Los Angeles Times. “I think the last thing people will think about when they feel an earthquake is surfing.” Malibu’s emergency preparedness director said he thought it would be prudent to address all possibilities. “Some people may feel that we are stating the obvious, and some people may not,” Brad Davis said. “We want to encourage people to move away from the coast rather than toward it.” As obviouse as it may seem, you know there's always gonna be some fool for who that warning was meant. Sure most anyone with even an iota of common sense would know not to go near the ocean during an earthquake or tsunami, but someone always has to go in representation of those swimming in the shallow end of the gene pool. *probably with floaties as well
 "Lawyer: Words on suspect’s mobile phone might have influenced jurors
CONCORD, N.H. - As jurors deliberated the fate of a door-to-door magazine salesman accused of raping a customer, they asked to look at his mobile phone, which contained photos of the woman performing a sexual act. When they turned on the phone, they saw the words "Joe Pimp" on the screen. That surprised Joseph Haniffy's lawyers, who hadn't seen the screen. They had agreed that jurors could look at the phone, which was admitted into evidence. They're arguing for a new trial for Haniffy, who eventually was convicted of rape and is awaiting sentencing. Meanwhile, the lawyers and Judge Edward Fitzgerald have been researching a precise definition for the word "pimp," referring to such sources as an Internet rap dictionary. Haniffy's lawyers, Donna Brown and Meredith Lugo say because the phrase came up during jury deliberations and not at trial, Haniffy didn't have a chance to defend himself. They cited one juror, who, when asked what she had seen on the phone, initially said "Joe something." When pressed, the juror said, "Joe — something derogatory." Prosecutor George Stewart said the words on Haniffy's mobile phone would be important only if there was a disagreement at trial about who owned the phone. There was no dispute, he said, because Haniffy gave it to police and told them it was his phone. Stewart argued that that the word "pimp" was insignificant. "It is not subject to reasonable dispute that the defendant presented himself — both on the stand and in his statement to the police — as a coarse and vulgar representative of humanity with no compunction about using obscenity and profanity and describing woman and sex in insulting terms," he wrote in his arguments against a new trial. I don't know what anyone else thinks about this story, but as for me, I hardly feel that the word pimp on the man's phone was what got him convicted. I mean the word pimp is used alot now days, but it doesn't mean the person using it is necessarily a bad person. Heck, I know many guys who think they're pimps, but in reality are just kind of sad. I'm sure that if the guy was convicted of rape, it was because of much more than a word on a cell phone. *shrugs* 10月27日 I Fought The LawGreat Moments in the Law:
 Taken from Unusually Stupid Americans by Kathryn Petras and Ross PetrasGirl Scout troop nabbed by police:
A small group of 8-year-old girls was nabbed early in 2001 for the crime of selling Girl Scout cookies in public, according to The Atlanta Journal-Constitution. After complaining to the officer, the kids waited for a sergeant to arrive, but when he did, he agreed: The Girl Scouts had broken the law. Finally, at the precinct house, the commander, Major Ron Slade, released the girls and apologized. "We love the Girl Scouts," he said. "I just bought some of their cookies."
13-year-old girl nabbed at metro station with stash of potato chips:
A thirteen year old girl was nabbeb at a metro station by police officers, arrested, and of course, handcuffed. Then she was interrogatef for two hours by police officers. Her crime? Munching on potato chips in the station. The girl was one of 12 children nabbed during a sweep of the station in Washington, D.C., a city with one of the highest murder rates in the nation--but now, thanks to vigilant officers under the direction of Police Chief Charles Ramsey and metro general manager Richard White, with one of the lowest potato-chip-consumption rates.
11-year-old faces the big house:
An eleven year old boy from Staten Island is looking at some jail time--or at least a hefty fine--for ignoring jury-duty notices. No matter that he's got a number of years before he can legally serve on juries, that's too bad; if you ignore jury-duty notices, you go to jail for a month or pay $1,250. His father says he sent a copy of his son's birth certificate to officials, but they say they haven't seen it. And they need proof. County Clerk Stephen J. Fiala isn't taking no for an answer. "As soon as he gives me proof that his son is 11, I will remove him from the rolls." He adds, "You can't just call me up and say you're 11 years old.....The law mandates that I be given proof."
Woman handcuffed and arrested for video-rental crime:
It started with a routine traffic pull-over by New Hampshire cops for a broken taillight on Jessie Cohen's car. But during the license check, cops discovered that back in 1997 she had neglected to return a rented copy of the Woody Allen movie Sleeper. Cohen said she had no memory of having rented the video, nor did she remember recieving any overdue notices. No matter. She was handcuffed and charged with a misdemeanor: unauthorized use of rental property. And, of course, her Cadillac was impounded. A group championing individual rights summed up Cohen's case best: "You don't return a video on time and you get treated like Hannibal Lector in The Silence of the Lambs, and end up starring in Girls in Prison, what sense does that make?"
  McLawsuits: Supersized Awards for Superstupid Cases
 $42,000: awarded to a San Francisco mugger:
He sued a taxi driver who, seeing the mugging occur, captured him by pinning him against a building with his cab.
$2,699,000: awarded to a West Viriginia convenience-store worker a punitive damages for injuring her back while struggling to open a pickle jar:
(She also recieved $130,066 in compensation and $170,000 for emotional distress.) State Supreme Court Justice Spike Maynard dissented from the ruling, calling the award "outrageous," so the court reviewed the case. In the end, the woman got a mere $2.2 million.
$8,000,000(divided between two people): awarded to two professional carpet installers in Akron, Ohio:
Both sued the Para-Chem Company, manufactuers of carpet adhesive, after being severely burned in an explosion while using the product indoors. the adhesive had a warning label reading, "Do not use indoors because of flammability." But one juror said that he and his fellow jurors thought the warning label wasn't strong enough.
$14,100,00: awarded to a New York woman for injuries caused by a subway:
She was hit by it while lying on the track, attempting suicide.
 10月25日 Political Mispeak
Political Misspeak: Real statements made by politicians and government officials.
"And now, will y'all stand and be recognized?" --Gib Lewis, Texas Speaker of the House, To a group of people in wheelchairs on Disability Day.
"All you have to do is go down to the bottom of your swimming pool and hold your breath." --David Miller, US DOE spokesperson, on how to protect yourself from nuclear radiation.
"I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people." --Dan Quayle, US Vice President
"You mean there are two Koreas?" --US Ambassador Designate To Singapore Richard Kneip, after being asked his opinion during congressional hearings on the North Korea-South Korea conflict.
"We know smoking tobacco is not good for kids, but a lot of other things aren't good. Drinking's not good. Some would say milk's not good." --Bob Dole
"You don't tell us how to stage the news, and we don't tell you how to report it." --Larry Speakes, press secretary for President George Bush
"A zebra cannot change its spots." --US Vice President Al Gore
"I am not a chauvinist, obviously....I believe in women's rights for every woman but my own." --Chicago Mayer Herold Washington
"I can't believe we are going to let a majority of the people decide what's best for this state." --Representative John Travis of the Lousiana Legislature
"First, it was not a strip bar, it was an exotic club. And second, what can I say? I'm a night owl." --Marion Barry, Mayor of Washington DC
"Why can't the Jews and the Arabs just sit down together and settle this like good Christians?" --An unnamed senator
"I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law." --David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes.
Education  Taken from: Hey Idiot by Leland Gregory
 Drawing Your Name Out Of A Hat:A group of female students at the College Park campus of the University of Maryland randomly chose several male students' names from the student telephone directory and printed up flyers. The eighty-six flyers, which the nine girls tacked up around campus, read: NOTICE: THESE MEN ARE POTENTIAL RAPISTS. The girls claimed they were trying to increase awarness of sexual abuse of women, but many of the male students were angry over their actions. Said one female student, defending what she and here classmates had done, "I don't think we've done anything wrong. The word 'potential' was used. That's not accusatory at all."
A Damn Stern Punishment:The Hendersonville (Tennessee) High School student handbook has the harshest punishment for the use of profanity of any high school in the world. The handbook reads: "Profane language will not be tolerated. Stern discipline will be death to any student guilty of this conduct." Wow, talk about your zero tolerance. The principle of the school, however, explained that the word "death" was mistakenly put in for the word "dealt." "Most folks know that it was a misprint," said the principle. I hope to hell it....ahhhhhhhhhhhh.......
My Teachers The Bomb!:It was a tense moment at the Lindsay Thurber High School in Red Deer, Alberta, Canada, when teachers found a bomb threat note. They immediatly went into action. Did they go into "lockdown"? Did they evacuate the school and call in the bomb squad? Nope. Some of the teachers actually sent students out to search lockers to try and find the bomb. There was even a competition among students of one class, offering a prize to whoever found the bomb first.
Tic-Tac-Don't:A nine-year-old student from Weems Elementary School in Manassas, Virginia, was suspended under the school's zero-tolerance policy on drugs. The boy had been caught giving his friend a Certs breath mint. The school policy not only bans real drugs but also "look-alikes" that a reasonable person would believe is a controlled substance. Defending his son's reputation the boy's father said, "He's not a breath-mint addict or anything like that." Not yet, but who knows where something like this might lead? HypocrisyDo As I Say, Not As I Do:
Great Moments In American Hyprocrisy
  Palmetto, Florida Community-Redevelopment Agency:--What they're supposed to say: Let's help the poor people find living space.
--What they actually did: Evicted 40 Hispanic migrant workers- a week after Christmas- to make way for Habitat for Humanity, which intended to build low-income housing on the site.
The Lower East Side Tenement Museum, New York City:--What they're supposed to say: Let's honor the struggles and lives of New York's immigrant and blue-collare tenement dwellers.
--What they actually did: Tried to use eminent domain to seize the building next door and evict its blue-collar worker and immigrant tenants.
Teamsters Local 988 Houston, Texas:--What they're supposed to say: Let's always go union.
--What they actually did: Built a new union meeting hall using nonunion labor....since, as Local 988 officials said, "Union contractors cost too much."
Matthew J. Glavin, leader of a conservative legal foundation that sought to have Bill Clinton disbarred for his perjury and sexual peccadilloes:--What he's supposed to say: Let's always keep it clean and honest.
--What he actually did: Glavin was charged with public indecency after being caught fondling himself by a National Park Service Ranger. He also tried to fondle the ranger.
Representative Bob Barr(D-Georgia):--What he's supposed to say: Let's keep a cap on damage awards. He praised a bill before the House Judiciary, Commercial, and Administrative Law Subcommittee, which he chairs, that would cap damage awards for "pain and suffering" at $250,000.
--What he actually did: The same day he praised that bill, he filed a lawsuit against President Bill Clinton, pundit James Carville, and porn magnate Larry Flynt for $30 million, claiming "loss of reputation and emotional distress.
Chatham County state court DUI coordinator Brian P. Harell:--What he's supposed to say: As DUI coordinator, I always say, don't drink and drive! (He had been working for two weeks as a coordinator of the Chatham County State Court DUI program- a project aimed at helping DUI offenders avoid jail time by going on probation instead.)
--What he actually did: He was arrested for drunk driving, with a blood alcohol level of .13 (the legal limit in Georgia is .08), after being stopped while driving at about 1:30 A.M. with no headlights on.
Spokane Mayor Jim West:What he's supposed to say:I'm a conservative Republican opposed to gay rights, abortion rights, and teenage sex.
What he actually did: Jim West was outed as being a gay man by the local newspaper. He is also now facing charges that he molested two men in the 70's when he was a police deputy and boy scout leader. He's also facing allegations that he used his position as Mayor to "entice and influence young men he met on a gay Web site."
(source: http://www.spokesmanreview.com/jimwest/)
10月23日 Politics  Taken from Hey Idiot! Chronicles of Human Stupidity by Leland Gregory.
  Waiting to Exhale:
"A thirteen-year-old girl who suffers from acute asthma began having an asthma attack on the school bus ride home. She didn't have her inhaler with her, and her breathing was becoming more and more labored. A quick thinking friend who also has asthma reached into her bag, pulled out her own inhaler, and gave it to her classmate. Both of the girls' mothers considered the act to be heroic and worthy of an award. But school officials, citing their zero-tolerance policy against drugs, have labeled the girl who handed over her inhaler a "drug trafficker." It is a notation that will stay on her school record for three years. Zero-tolerance for the heroic schoolgirl. Zero intelligence for the school board. I don't know about you, but that decision leaves me breathless."
It's In The Mix:
" The Dade County School Board regretfully informed a computer-consulting firm that it was ineligible as a vendor because the business was not minority-owned. A business can qualify as minority-owned only if one minority group controls 51 percent of its assets. The company in question, Data Industries, is owned as a fifty-fifty partnership between Charles Duval, a black man, and Paul Raifaizen, a Hispanic. A spokesman for the school board said he sympathized with Data Industries, but insisted that 'a rule is a rule, and our rule says that there must be 51 percent ownership by one principle minority group.' He went on to justify their decision by saying, 'We're just trying to preserve the integrity of the system', explaining that the county wants a 'clear-cut' owner to avoid having minority businesses 'sell out to white males.' "
Just Another Day:
"The Hillsborough School Board in New Jersey jumped on the politically correct bandwagon by voting to ban the word 'Halloween,' since it is derived from All Hallow's Eve, denoting the day before the Christian Feast of All Saint's Day. Instead, the board came up with their own catchy alternative name: 'Fall Festival Celebration.' But not wanting to stop there, they put their stamp on 'St. Valentine's Day,' which is now referred to as 'Special Person Day.' I bet those special person day cards are great, too. 'Happy Special Person Day. You, regardless of your race, creed, sexual orientation, or natural origin, are special to me in a nonsexual, nonracist, completely nonaggressive, nonassertive manner, which you may or may not reciprocate to me.' "
Addled Ads:
"The Seattle Times placed an article in its real estate section explaining that it is obligated, under the Fair Housing Act, to warn potential advertisers to refrain from using words or phrases that hint of tenant preferance. The red-flag words are: 'Adult, Bachelor, Couple, Family (as in perfect for family), Mature, No Children, One Person, Retired (housing for the elderly is considered), Sex (may be acceptable in advertising for roomates), Single, Two People, Christian, Executive, Handicap (as in not suitable for--but okay for handicap accessible), Integrated, Membership Approval, Mentally Ill, Religious, Religious Landmark (near St. Peter's, the Synagogue, the Mosque, etc.), Older Persons or Senior Citizens (housing communities designed for elderly may be acceptable), Physically Fit Person, Private (private community is a big no-no; private drive is fine), Race, Restricted, Senior Discount.' So basically ads for homes should read: For Sale-house." |
Strange Tributes
In 1994, an artist at the Iowa State Fair used 250 pounds of butter to create a life-size statue of country singer Garth Brooks.
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